QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Until he gets caught.
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew!
What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds ? An elephant with hiccups !
One day there was two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."
Which fish can perform operations ? A Sturgeon !
What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a famous French general? Napoleon Bunnyparte!
Student l: "Did you know that ghosts are protected by the Constitution?" Student 2: "They are?" Student 1: "Sure. It's in the Bill of Frights!"
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common ? They both have 'the' as their middle names !
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks. The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat" He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof". The cop says, "its only a dog". He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"
Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise? Because the captain stood on the deck.
What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken ? She kicked the bucket !
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office? She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
When is a bicycle not a bicycle? When it turns into a driveway.
Taming Wild Cats by Claude Face
What's fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels? Father Christmas on roller skates!
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'
Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them." The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!"
Never Give Up! by Percy Vere
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.