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Q: What dinosaur would you find in a rodeo? A: Bronco-saurus!

Michael: It's hard for my sister to eat. Maureen: Why ? Michael: She can't bear to stop talking.

Q.What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? A: Third Grade.

A knight and his men returned to their castle after a hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asked the king. "Sire!" replied the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies to the west." "What?" shrieked the king, "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh!" said the knight, "Well, you do now."

What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash? Tele-Scope.

What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels? Very large ones.

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here." The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here." The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..." "Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down." "No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."

A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leadind a kangaroo."I'm worried about my husband, doctor, " she said. "He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo! "

What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed ? Out of the way !

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change !

Q: How do you get a viola section to play spiccato? A: Write a whole note with "solo" above it.

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

Q. What do you call a line dancer on a cruise? A. An Ocean "Liner"

Why do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues? They get to meet their old flames!

Which birds steal soap from the bath ? Robber ducks !

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

The Embarrassing Moment by Lucy Lastic

How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out? Hide their trainers.

Jill: Have you read the Bible? Jack: No, I'm waiting for the film to come round.

Knock Knock Who's there ! Avery ! Avery who ? Avery time I come to your house we go through this !