What's a rabbits' favorite musical? Hare.
MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.
Knock Knock Who's there ! Ammonia ! Ammonia who ? Ammonia a poor little sparrow !
Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married? The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!
Who was that on the phone, Fred? Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !
This man says to his friend," I stopped driving 10 years ago. Now my wife drives and I just sit there and hold the wheel."
What wears a black, white, and tan coat but has no hair? A bald beagle!
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.' He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.' The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.
Knock Knock Who's there ! Artichoke ! Artichoke who ! Artichoke when he swallowed his yo-yo !
Q. How do men exercise on the beach? A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court ? Annette !
While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3." They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4." "What do you think?" one asked the other. The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"
Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.
Ropin' and Ranchin' by Larry Yett
What did the Gorilla do when he saw the sign, 'Clean Washroom'? He cleaned it!
What do witches eat at Halloween? Spook-etti, Halloweenies, Devil's food cake and Boo-berry pie.
What did the earwig say as it fell down the stairs ? Ear we go !
Optimist: A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.
How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.
What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"? Pork Chop!