Knock Knock Who's there ! Bassoon ! Bassoon who ? Bassoon things will be better !
Q: What dinosaur loves pancakes? A: A tri-syrup-tops.
A wildlife biologist crew leader has several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews camped and worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair every few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them a visit. "Is anything funny going on here"? he asked. "What do you mean by that?" the pair asked back. "I mean, you're not getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you know, maybe doing something you're not supposed to do?" "Absolutely not!" the Jim replied. " We are strictly co-workers" "Oh yes," the Sarah replied, " We hike all day, record our data, return back, and fall asleep exhausted. "That's right!" Jim replied, "and me in my tent, and she in hers!" The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th e field with the pair. He left the field early, returned to camp, retrieved his Jeep and left the area. The following day, the biologist pair had lost their $1000 GPS unit. They searched high and low, but could not find it. It had simply disappeared from their camp. After a few frantic days, they suspected that the crew leader had taken it. It was the only plausible explanation. That evening, they called him on the 2-way radio, and politely asked weather he may have inadvertently taken the unit. "As a matter of fact, I did take it the day I came up to see if you two were sleeping together. After realizing I had accidentally taken it with me from the field, I placed it in Sarah's sleeping bag where she would be sure to find it!"
Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization. The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout? A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one.
How many seasons are there in a dogs life ? Just one, the moulting season !
"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." "Next time, take off the candles."
Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.
A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone. 'Why don't you play with your friends?' he asked. 'Because I only have one friend,' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he's finished.
Why wouldn't the piglet's mother let her read romantic novels? She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf.
Q: Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? - A: Because she wanted to mail a litter.
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of? Pupil: A pear.
An idiotic laborer was told by an equally idiotic foreman to dig a hole in the road. "And what shall I do with the earth, sir?" asked the laborer. "Don't be daft, man," he replied. "Just dig another hole and bury it."
Policeman: Why did you lead me on a high-speed chase? Motorist: Because you'd catch me on a slow one.
A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet. "Is this where Frank lives?" one of the drunks asked. "Yes, it is," the woman replied. "Well then," said the drunk, "Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?"
After a visit to the circus, Geoff and Don were discussing the thrills and marvels they had seen. "I didn't think much of the knife thrower, did you?" said Geoff. "I thought he was great!" enthused Don. "Well, I didn't," said Geoff. "He kept throwing those knives at that soppy girl but he didn't hit her once."