How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm ? it has a blue light !
What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant ? About 3,000 miles !
When pigs have a party, who jumps out of the cake? Nobody. The pigs all jump in.
Why don't you see blonde pharmacists? They can't get the bottles into the typewriter!
Which dog can tell time? A watchdog.
Have you seen www.smallearthquake.com? Yes, its's no great shakes!
Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much time at the pub, so one night he took her along. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one gulp. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, that's nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
When do men insist that women are illogical? When a woman doesn't agree with them.
A history joke Teacher: When was Rome built? Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!
The Garlic Eater by I Malone
Why don't dogs make good dancers ? Because they have two left feet !
Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge? They are for those who don't drink!
- How many Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? - That is a military secret. If I told you I'd have to kill you.
How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? He has a whale of a party!
What does a footballer and a magician have in common ? Both do hat tricks !
Did you hear about that guy who was asked to be a Jehovah's witness? - He refused becuase he hadn't seen the accident.
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating -- I call it 'goofing off'."
Why is an engaged girl like a telephone? Because they both have rings.
Did you hear about the argumentative skunk? He always liked to make a stink!