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What is brown and gray, has eight legs, and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk? A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

Q: What did the football say to the football player? A: I get a kick out of you.

Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper. Jackie: Wow, I'm only eight and I can read it

What's a pet's favorite day? ...Saint Petrick's Day

How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday ? Eat him on Saturday !

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.

A monster and a zombie went into the undertaker's. "I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died," said the monster. "Certainly, sir," said the undertaker, "but there was really no need to bring him with you."

Why did the boy stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it!

What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!

Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with the Internet? I don't know, but it's e-nourmous.

Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are better than one.

Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.

Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree, where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land? Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Knock Knock Who's there ? Annie! Annie who ? Annie-versary !

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

Dentist to parsimonious patient "No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs. Borde!"

What's big and grey and protects you from the rain ? An umbrellaphant !