A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds. Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?" "Yup, shore am!" "How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Ten pounds." The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds." The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"
What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk ? A centipede with a wooden leg !
Q. What did one tornado say to the other? A. "Let's twist again, like we did last summer...."
How do you tell a good monster from a bad one? If it's a good one you will be able to talk about it later!
What are baby witches called? Halloweenies.
Knock Knock Who's there ! Becca ! Becca who ? Becca the net !
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy.
Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom? A: To keep the swelling down.
Have you heard about the slippery eel ? Didn't think so, you wouldn't be able to grasp it !sna
Waiter, there is a spider drowning in my soup ! It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir !
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Battering Ram Barbie ...Barbie's head on the end of a battering ram
Did you hear about the blonde who put "Sagittarius" at the bottom of application forms where it said "Sign Here".
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, "Where did you get that?" The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?" The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
What gas do snails prefer? Shell.
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.
When is it unlucky to see a black cat ? When your a mouse !
What tea do footballers drink ? Penaltea !
How do nuns surf the web? On the Hymnternet.