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Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.

Knock Knock Who's there ! Arizona ! Arizona who ? Arizona room for one of us in this town !

When is an English teacher like a judge? When she hands out long sentences.

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.

Waiter, your tie is in my soup! That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.

Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry!

What did the little ghost eat for lunch? A booloney sandwich!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Carrie ! Carrie who ? Carrie a torch !

Your money or your life by Stan Den Deliver

What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish ? Tsardines !

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going to do with the BODY?"

What pillar doesn't need holding up ? A caterpillar !

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Funeral Home Barbie ...complete with hearse, coffin and kicky little shroud

Why did the little piglet fall in love with the hog? Because he was such a sloppy dresser.

Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.

Why does an elephant wear sneakers ? So that he can sneak up on mice !

What is a goal keepers favourite snack? Beans on post!

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

Knock Knock Who's there ! Brad ! Brad who ? Brad news I'm afraid !